Why Quitters Sometimes Win, Part 2

Throughout my time in the M*rmon church, there were other incidents that led me to question the truthfulness of the doctrine that was presented to me. I thought that I could eventually reconcile the unsettling beliefs generated by the church - the racist doctrine and mythology that taught the creator of all things might play favourites with one skin colour, the sexist dogma that insisted that women were equal to men in positions of subservience and had no choice in the matter within the organization, the pressure to procreate beyond a family's financial or emotional means, a lack of desire to engage with the wider world (in the world but not 'of' the world) except in the context of proselytizing and the competitive righteousness that was firmly ingrained in the congregations' collective understanding of heaven, hell and every level in between. I knew by the time I was twelve what kinds of offenses would get you into which level or kingdom of heaven, and which ones would get you banished into outer darkness for time and all eternity.
Growing up in the 80's and having the horrors of World War II pounded into us, we all assumed that Ad*lph H*tler would have had his boots, jodhpurs and mustache fixed firmly in hell, but a quick check on a few Google sites, yesterday, assured me that, indeed, Mr *itler had had all his temple endowments done for him and would have the opportunity to enjoy the highest kingdom of heaven, at some stage. Whether this was a hoax perpetuated by anti-M*rmon sources, or whether the documentation was, indeed, generated by the London temple still gives me pause for thought. Would I really want to belong to an organization that has so overtly given the option of salvation to a mass murderer, when I cannot even hope to attain the same? If the Hitler temple documentation is not really true and anti-M*rmon sources have created a hoax to discredit the church then shame on them, the church has enough controversy to bring it to its knees. The racism I experienced as a youth and young adult against my friends was enough to seal the deal for me. I grew up among the Lamanites and counted them as my friends. I couldn't understand why they had such a raw deal on the reservations until I learned that they were constantly being punished by god for their iniquitous history. Hey, that makes sense and absolves me of any guilt or responsibility! Their darkened skin was a result of rebellion shortly after they arrived in the Americas, from the Middle East. Cough, cough. They would have a series of chances to 'lighten up' if they turned towards god and gave the Nephites a chance to save them with the only true gospel and a sweet little program called Indian Placement. Seriously folks, I learned that my friends were inferior not only in the eyes of the government, but also in the eyes of god. Problem was, in my head most of the Navajo actually had their sh*t together a lot more than I did. The Navajo friends I had gone to primary school with who had the missionaries around to convert them almost always did a few years away in Arizona or Utah with a white M*rmon family. The idea was that their education would have been supplemented by living in an English-speaking family and that their salvation would have been overseen by a priesthood-holding bunch of M*rmons. The reality was that they often returned to the reservation having forgotten their language and had been left out of important family events. I don't know if their education improved as a result, but I seriously doubt it. The doctrine taught to the white seminary students who remained behind was that our Lamanite friends would return whiter and more delightsome in the eyes of god. Who needs to know that H*tler is hanging out with Jesus now? If the N*zi connection with M*rmonism bears out as truth then the wider world will know what I've been convinced of, for years.

Gotta Getta Meme Results

1. If you could empower one woman in one way, who would it be, and what way would you empower her?

I am going to be quite selfish and say: ME. I would like to have the power to fly. Actually, I'd like to empower a few of my women friends with money - money buys time, options and security...oh, and plane tickets.

2. Which celebrity would you like to see dress in drag?

Can I just rephrase your question and ask which celebrity I'd most like to see half-dressed in a nun's habit? I suppose the serious answer to your question is: Fiddy Cent. I think he'd secretly like it.

3. If you could catapult yourself to any place and time, where would you go, and why?

To the Year 3000, just to see if everybody bought Busted's seventh album. Or, maybe just 1000 years into the future, just to see what we've made of ourselves or whether we're a footnote in history and the chimps have taken over.

4. Paper or plastic?

Paper's pretty but plastic's fantastic! Yeah, I don't know why I said that really...


5. Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings?

Neither. Logan's Run is my choice for sci-fi/fantasy because it's camp and has a quite creepy ending, or at least it seemed that way back in the 1970s.

6. Chocolate or vanilla?

Both, in every way, shape and form.

7. You've had a good life. What are the three moments/accomplishments in your life you're proudest of?

Hmm. I'm proud that I truly try to think for myself these days. I really dig evidence-based knowledge.

I'm proud to have been part of a que*r youth movement, in Boston, in the early 90s - it was an exciting (but still quite tricky) time to be out.

I'm proud that I've seemingly cracked having meaningful relationships in my life - I think there were points where I could have gone down more destructive paths and I've managed to rein it in before folly took over and destroyed my universe.

8. What do you miss most about New Mexico? And why?

I miss Hatch green chile. Nothing is more quintessential to New Mexican cuisine than this ingredient - it's in everything savoury, for good reason!! It brings back all the tastes of childhood for me whenever I managed to lay my hands on some. By the by, green chiles do taste lovely on pepperoni pizza.

9. If you had a motto, what would it be?

Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione

10. What would be your final message to a loved one?

I'm tempted to use Spike Milligan's epitaph as my final message, just for a laugh, but I have to say that it would probably just be, 'Ta, it's been great.'

11. Which way is up?

Every which way...

Up is not down, unless you live in the southern hemisphere. Out is not in unless you're in Brighton. New is not old unless you live in the States. One is not two unless you're a Virgo.

12. How would you like to be remembered?

I'd like for people to remember me as a lucky bastard...

Reminder - Competition closes tomorrow

Let me beat you over the head with a lead pipe one more time...tomorrow is the last day to submit meme questions. There have been some brilliant ones so I'm only posting this reminder for those of you who have only just hit upon my blog and would like to join in. Leave your submissions in the comment section of this post by midnight (GMT)/3pm (PST)/10am (the following morning for Oz) on Tuesday to enter. Good luck and thanks for playing along! Oh, and did I mention that there is a prize?

Adolescent Fun

How do you get your computer to swear for you? Go to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary website and type in ANY word you like. The link will automatically take you to my favorite swear word, so if you think you might be offended then just skip this entry. While I don't usually walk around swearing much (tender ears nearby, and such), it really does relieve a lot of stress when used in the right context. Click on the klaxon icon and 'presto', you can hear your computer spit out your favourite curse word, too! It's fun, it's easy, try it!

By the way, as children, my cousin and I used to type in dodgy words like this and this on his Speak-n-Spell - it was great fun and obviously I've never grown out of it. Freud would have had a field day with me...and you too, perhaps?

Knowing and Doing are Two Different Matters

Last night I attended a tutorial session for a course that I am taking through the Open University. Without delving too much into how wonderful the concept of OU is for a student like me, I will say that it probably would have been far too difficult for me to get my degree through a traditional university and that OU does its best to cater for people who, because of one reason or another cannot attend full-time, campus-based lectures. However, once a month, the OU offers group tutorial sessions, which are held at nearby universities, after hours, so that those enrolled in courses can get together with other students, their tutor/professor and bounce ideas off each other as to the nature of the reading material and the progress of written assignments that are required for assessments. These assignments usually take the form of essays, one per month, and consisting between 1500 and 2000 words. Unlike some other long-distance learning universities that have only been set up recently and offer a wide range of degrees through on-line or correspondence material, the OU and their degree programmes are widely respected in the UK. Granted, the degree that I will get from the OU will not hold as much clout as say a degree from Oxford or Cambridge, but it is a solid basis for any career or post-grad work that I might want to do here, in the UK.

Now, my little spiel about the OU isn't important to qualify my degree status or how brilliant the OU concept is, but to illustrate the importance of the tutorial groups to those who are able to attend. Last night, I committed a faux pas and today I am ruminating on it, to an extent that I must make a confession about it...

I am aware that adult-learning scenarios contain mainly the same types of students that were present in elementary/primary school and in high school. The only exception being the 'class clown' or 'unruly' student, as hopefully neither of those personalities appears in later voluntary education (although, I am aware of the undergrad student types who do feel it necessary to inject inappropriate humour into discussions). The problem is that last night I became the student who took up precious time (bearing in mind, we are only allocated two hours of tutorial time per month) to ask a question that should have been directed to the tutor AFTER the group tutorial. You know the type of student I mean, the one who HAS to make a point that is completely irrelevant or so unhelpful to the discussion that the time spent getting back on track is, yet, more wasted time. *sigh* I suppose the reason it bothers me so much is that I know that everyone in that classroom has busy lives and has made a real effort to attend, some traveling from over an hour away by train.

1/40th of the discussion was devoted to my little rant. I am very disappointed in myself because usually I am able to filter out information that seems unnecessary or silly. I did apologise afterward for monopolising the last bit of the lecture, but it was done and couldn't be taken back, nor could any more time be given to those who might have benefited from a different line of discussion. When I was younger and in elementary and high school I very often used tactics to distract and divert teachers' attentions from the lectures, much to the delight of most of my classmates. As an adult, I find it tiresome to listen to others deliberately (or inadvertently) mislead, and so wish I could have gone back and done my education differently. So, if you trawl the blogworld after having read this post and find another London-area OU student who is bitching about the tutorial experience she (our group is completely female) had last night, then just be aware she could be referring to me and my little faux pas. You might say that it's not all that bad and perhaps I should stop being so critical. Actually, I think it is entirely appropriate to point out that as we age and gain more experience the parallels of knowing and doing should more closely mirror each other. Last night was just a teensy-weensy example of my knowledge and my actions diverging, for even a brief moment and the consequences that followed, for everyone. Hmm. What do you think? What student type were you? What type are you now?