An Arse Full of Needles

Two days ago I hoisted a 12 kilo bag of squirming-toddler-boy onto my shoulders, picked up his trike and headed to Kennington Park. We crossed the streets and he pointed out all the cars, buses, bicycles and taxis on the way. He's the only one of his playmates that gets this worked up over traffic and it causes the majority of our delays because he insists on showing me this 'car' and that 'bus'. I will have to tell him at some stage that there are other objects in this world that he'd do well to learn the names of, too.

Lifting him down off my shoulders in the park, I felt a burning in my side and cursed in as many other languages as I could remember - I would like to publicly apologise to all the Spanish-speaking people in Kennington Park who thought I might have been indecently proposing their mother. Obviously, I don't want to be the one who teaches him the word 'f*ck', that just might jeopardise my Christmas bonus. Anyway, the pain didn't go away and, in fact, it threw me to the garden decking last night in front of his grandparents when I bent down to pick up some of his toys. At the SO's insistence I phoned up a friend of ours who also happens to be a massage therapist and acupuncturist and she agreed to see me, this morning, before her first appointment.

By the end of our one hour session, my back was putty, I had needles sticking out of various bits of my body (it's amazing how one's inhibitions fall when lying face down on a massage table) and I haven't had a twinge of jarring pain for the past three hours. I've signed up for another session - it's the best £35 I've spent this month.

The Benefits of Aging, Part Un

Hopefully I can offer an antidote to yesterday's miserable post bemoaning my ungraceful and inevitable aging. I present to you the Benefits of Aging, Part I

1. Adults are rarely regarded suspiciously by shopkeepers for being rabblerousers, shoplifters, troublemakers and vandals. This suspicion is even less so if the shoppers mentioned above have gray hair.

2. Aging gives one an excuse for bad dance moves. I was known for being able to shake my groove thing, in my time. I now look much less like 'one of the gang' out on the dancefloor and more like a drunk-uncle-at-a-wedding.

3. Less drama. Fewer breakups and wailing and gnashing of teeth.

4. A savings account. A pension. Equity.

5. Perspective. Usually by the time people hit forty they've had one of each on the a la carte menu of experiences. An equal amount of good and bad events tempers your perspective. I make exceptions on this for some people, most likely those who belong to fringe groups, conservative political parties and royalty.

There are other benefits to aging, I am sure. I will open the floor for you to list what you believe are the benefits to aging and perhaps this will warrant a part deux.

Radio GaGa

IF IT'S TOO LOUD, YOU'RE TOOOOO OLD!! Okay, today it was a bit too loud, I had to turn it down.
Everything on my favourite radio station between the hours of 12:30pm and 1:30pm sounded the same.

Red flags for aging.