I've joined a gym and have been going most days for the past month. It's a nice way of starting my day since little bit is in nursery school five mornings a week and other than burying my head in a load of textbooks - exams in two weeks (!) - having a go on the stair-stepper is how I've been filling my mornings.
I only have one complaint about the gym, which may signal my prudish, American/Puritan values. I'm not sure whether to voice my complaint to the management or whether to keep shtum about my concerns. Lemme 'splain. My discomfort involves a young woman who, like me, finishes her workout around the same time. We both head up to the dressing room and shower at about the same time, too. Problem is, while I'm at the locker changing into my street clothes I can hear one of the hair dryers going and I KNOW what I'll find when I turn around to approach 'my' area of the bank of blow dryers and wooden stools. Said young woman does not put on a stitch of clothing (nay, not even knicketies) before she sits down (sometimes on a towel, sometimes not) in front of the mirrored wall and blow-dries her very long, flowing tresses. Those of you who know me might say, "Why are YOU griping?" I have to say, I'm not sure though I think it has to do with the fact that I have no where to 'put' my gaze. I cannot seem to stare straight at my own reflection for the entire five minutes it takes for me to blow-dry my own hair and sort out my face. It just feels unnatural to look elsewhere. I don't fixate on the fact that it's probably a bit unhygienic for her to sit naked on a surface that others will probably use, it's just that I don't know where to put my eyes.
I think it was Michel Foucault who really nailed home the point that it's not what we see or encounter but the value we attach to what we see or encounter. I am not offended by this woman's nakedness - it does nothing FOR me but it also does nothing TO me - I have not stopped attending the gym because I am worried that this woman might, again, be naked. I could lie and say that it's a bit gross to me that she sits naked on a wooden stool, but I'm made of hardier stuff than that - I KNOW what kind of body fluids we ALL have. What does get me a bit riled is my own reaction in that I do not know where to fix my gaze whilst she's next to me in the mirror. Will I get labeled a 'voyeur' by this woman if she catches me glancing about in a normal (not shifty) way? What could I say about her - she very nonchalantly tosses her hair this way and seems absolutely unconcerned about her state of dress. I do think it has not occurred to her that she might be committing some breach of decorum - at least in all the other locker rooms I've ever been in - and I would hate to impose my neurosis on her. On the other hand, what if she's getting some strange pleasure from my discomfort? Ah, I don't even want to think about that, it's too much and I'd be even more intimidated by that. At least I think I would.
Hmm.
Tuesday 30 September 2008
Saturday 3 May 2008
The Soundtrack of Your Life, Part Na'kii
Right then, songs 7-12. Shall we begin?
7. Little Bird: Goldfrapp. It's the newest song on the list. It has bits of Cocteau Twins, Joni Mitchell and a good dose of dry wit in it. How can it not when you have a promotional video like this?
8. I am an Astronaut: Ricky Wilde/Snow Patrol. This song reminds me of Tendy. He sits in his carseat just behind me and we sing this while driving down the road. He loves this song and gets a pout on his face if I sing the wrong lyrics, which I NEVER do on purpose, nooo...
9. Heroes: David Bowie. There's such hopeful desire in the lyrics:
This sort of encapsulates the group dynamic of one day of gay pride. Enough said.
10.Foundations: Kate Nash. If you've ever been in a relationship that went down the plughole you will probably relate to this song. It's sucky and despite her relative youth, she nails the anger, the hurt, the desperation of clinging onto the last strands of hair that are swirling towards...the plughole. Kate captures the rawness of this event.
11.Skating Away: Jethro Tull. Most people laugh when I tell them that prog rock saved my soul. It was in the early 90's when a friend of mine turned me on to JT. I heard this song and really identified with the lyrics. The words are poetry set to music:
Here are the lyrics. I suggest a trip over to youtube to listen to the song if you've never heard it before:
12. Finally, the last track I'd have on my personal soundtrack:
Losing My Religion: REM. Okay, it seems a bit contrived, I know. The issue with me and organized religion, especially Mo'ism, makes this song quite poignant. I don't think I ever gave much thought to how deep the hurt of not living up to expectations ran, until a few years ago. I've got some decisions to make about my life, my relationships and I'm not really looking forward to "choosing my confessions, trying to keep an eye on you..." I might have a different song for position 12 in a few weeks' time.
You know, it's not really cool to end on such a downer. How about if I chuck in song 13? (drumroll, please)
13. Let's Dance to Joy Division: The Wombats. What can I say? I love this song. It reminds me of listening to early 'Pushstars'. Bit of a 'let's watch Rome burn' attitude. I admire that. Enjoy this vid, be careful that you don't get a bit motion sick.
xxAitch
7. Little Bird: Goldfrapp. It's the newest song on the list. It has bits of Cocteau Twins, Joni Mitchell and a good dose of dry wit in it. How can it not when you have a promotional video like this?
8. I am an Astronaut: Ricky Wilde/Snow Patrol. This song reminds me of Tendy. He sits in his carseat just behind me and we sing this while driving down the road. He loves this song and gets a pout on his face if I sing the wrong lyrics, which I NEVER do on purpose, nooo...
9. Heroes: David Bowie. There's such hopeful desire in the lyrics:
I, I can remember (I remember)
Standing, by the wall (by the wall)
And the guns shot above our heads
(over our heads)
And we kissed,
as though nothing could fall
(nothing could fall)
And the shame was on the other side
Oh we can beat them, for ever and ever
Then we could be Heroes,
just for one day
This sort of encapsulates the group dynamic of one day of gay pride. Enough said.
10.Foundations: Kate Nash. If you've ever been in a relationship that went down the plughole you will probably relate to this song. It's sucky and despite her relative youth, she nails the anger, the hurt, the desperation of clinging onto the last strands of hair that are swirling towards...the plughole. Kate captures the rawness of this event.
11.Skating Away: Jethro Tull. Most people laugh when I tell them that prog rock saved my soul. It was in the early 90's when a friend of mine turned me on to JT. I heard this song and really identified with the lyrics. The words are poetry set to music:
Here are the lyrics. I suggest a trip over to youtube to listen to the song if you've never heard it before:
Meanwhile back in the year One --- when you belonged to no-one ---
you didn't stand a chance son, if your pants were undone.
`Cause you were bred for humanity and sold to society ---
one day you'll wake up in the Present Day ---
a million generations removed from expectations
of being who you really want to be.
Skating away ---
skating away ---
skating away on the thin ice of the New Day.
So as you push off from the shore,
won't you turn your head once more --- and make your peace with everyone?
For those who choose to stay,
will live just one more day ---
to do the things they should have done.
And as you cross the wilderness, spinning in your emptiness:
you feel you have to pray.
Looking for a sign
that the Universal Mind (!) has written you into the Passion Play.
Skating away on the thin ice of the New Day.
And as you cross the circle line, the ice-wall creaks behind ---
you're a rabbit on the run.
And the silver splinters fly in the corner of your eye ---
shining in the setting sun.
Well, do you ever get the feeling that the story's
too damn real and in the present tense?
Or that everybody's on the stage, and it seems like
you're the only person sitting in the audience?
Skating away on the thin ice of the New Day.
12. Finally, the last track I'd have on my personal soundtrack:
Losing My Religion: REM. Okay, it seems a bit contrived, I know. The issue with me and organized religion, especially Mo'ism, makes this song quite poignant. I don't think I ever gave much thought to how deep the hurt of not living up to expectations ran, until a few years ago. I've got some decisions to make about my life, my relationships and I'm not really looking forward to "choosing my confessions, trying to keep an eye on you..." I might have a different song for position 12 in a few weeks' time.
You know, it's not really cool to end on such a downer. How about if I chuck in song 13? (drumroll, please)
13. Let's Dance to Joy Division: The Wombats. What can I say? I love this song. It reminds me of listening to early 'Pushstars'. Bit of a 'let's watch Rome burn' attitude. I admire that. Enjoy this vid, be careful that you don't get a bit motion sick.
xxAitch
Monday 25 February 2008
Carol Burnett or Dawn French?
I missed having this question on the meme I filled in the other day. It's very difficult to choose between two very talented women, so I'll just leave you with my favourite Dawn French sketch, accompanied by Jennifer Saunders (and some other people who may or may not be famous...who knows?)
Saturday 23 February 2008
Time to Eddit
Well, you caught me. I'm one of those bloggers who throws up a post only to go back and change the wording, punctuation or syntax at a later time. It's a shame I don't edit my posts beforehand, because it likely shows that I have a cavalier attitude, which isn't true, or perhaps it indicates a tendency to say things that later need clarification, which is true. Either way isn't good, and I can only hope to improve my writing in the coming years.
I read more blogs these days than is sensible, really. I fret at times because I'm not one to really post about my deeper, darker secrets, though I admire those who can and are able to infuse a sense of humility through their writings. I think that shows a talent for cutting to the heart of a common, human vulnerability and we all have that, whether we show it or not.
I haven't got a clue as to posts in the pipeline. I think that the ideas I have will have to wait for a while. Maybe I'll finish the list of musical influences (I left off at number seven), maybe I'll have another pub quiz. Any ideas?
I read more blogs these days than is sensible, really. I fret at times because I'm not one to really post about my deeper, darker secrets, though I admire those who can and are able to infuse a sense of humility through their writings. I think that shows a talent for cutting to the heart of a common, human vulnerability and we all have that, whether we show it or not.
I haven't got a clue as to posts in the pipeline. I think that the ideas I have will have to wait for a while. Maybe I'll finish the list of musical influences (I left off at number seven), maybe I'll have another pub quiz. Any ideas?
Wednesday 20 February 2008
Goodbye Katy...
I just got word this past weekend that my paternal grandmother has died. I do not feel sad at this occasion but rather a great relief for her and my family (immediate and extended), who have been unwavering in their care for her and support of each other. Her last decade of life was filled with so many changes that were out of her control: the necessary move from her home and constant companionship of her sister, the eventual diagnosis of Alzheimer's Disease and its cruel and rapid removal of all of her memories, language and ability to care for herself and finally the heart failure that brought her death, early on Sunday morning.
She was a feisty and independent woman and I am sad to say that I never grew to appreciate that side of her as much as I should have, and my early interactions with her were ones of fear of knocking over glass vases and pricey trinkets that sat on special shelves and in display cases around her sitting room. She had a good eye for design and some of her furniture, purchased in the 1950's, would not look out of place in the design showrooms in London, today.
By the time I grew up and was no longer scared of her, she was already in quite poor health, and so I never had the types of easy adult discussions with her that I had with my maternal grandmother, who had died over a decade ago. I would like to think that other people can remember Kathryn for the true character she was and celebrate her life.
What I do know is that my father, the only man in my life that I love and trust implicitly has lost his mother. I know that my grandmother adored her sons, but it was evident that my father held a special place in her heart - he could do no wrong in her eyes. In his efforts to do things for his mother, she often lashed out at others, blaming them for the actions of my father. I don't blame her, though, she was abandoned by every man in her life, and she really didn't want to alienate any others, I think. For her to be able to love my father without reserve makes me love her more than fear her. The last time I saw my grandmother was about a year ago. My father drove me to the care home where she was living out her last days. There was no recognition of me, nor of my father. However, she did smile when we held her hands and brushed the wispy, cottony hair off her brow. The eyes that twinkled with mischief were cloudy and tired. I wished so many things for her, but mostly that she didn't have to die this way - slowly and very much alone in her head.
It's over. Sadly, gratefully, and wistfully I say goodbye to Katy.
She was a feisty and independent woman and I am sad to say that I never grew to appreciate that side of her as much as I should have, and my early interactions with her were ones of fear of knocking over glass vases and pricey trinkets that sat on special shelves and in display cases around her sitting room. She had a good eye for design and some of her furniture, purchased in the 1950's, would not look out of place in the design showrooms in London, today.
By the time I grew up and was no longer scared of her, she was already in quite poor health, and so I never had the types of easy adult discussions with her that I had with my maternal grandmother, who had died over a decade ago. I would like to think that other people can remember Kathryn for the true character she was and celebrate her life.
What I do know is that my father, the only man in my life that I love and trust implicitly has lost his mother. I know that my grandmother adored her sons, but it was evident that my father held a special place in her heart - he could do no wrong in her eyes. In his efforts to do things for his mother, she often lashed out at others, blaming them for the actions of my father. I don't blame her, though, she was abandoned by every man in her life, and she really didn't want to alienate any others, I think. For her to be able to love my father without reserve makes me love her more than fear her. The last time I saw my grandmother was about a year ago. My father drove me to the care home where she was living out her last days. There was no recognition of me, nor of my father. However, she did smile when we held her hands and brushed the wispy, cottony hair off her brow. The eyes that twinkled with mischief were cloudy and tired. I wished so many things for her, but mostly that she didn't have to die this way - slowly and very much alone in her head.
It's over. Sadly, gratefully, and wistfully I say goodbye to Katy.
Saturday 9 February 2008
Silly Ol' Meme
This meme ends with the question that really should start it off, so I've simply cut and pasted the final question to the beginning...this doesn't seem so abrupt, does it?
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Ooooo-klahomawherethewindcomessweepindowntheplain...
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? A very precocious little girl featured in LIFE magazine the month before my birth.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? During the last scene of BBC's 'The Choir', just now. I love hearing kids singing.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? It's okay but it's rather inconsistent.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Tuna.
5. HAVE YOU ANY CHILDREN? Yes, non-biological but I gladly claim them.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Yes, but I would bitch about me behind my back. I know I would.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Not a lot. I prefer irony.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Yes, feet first from a height of two stories where there is a huge pile of sand below me. I've got it all planned out!
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Grape Nuts or oatmeal.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Yes.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Pistachio.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Eyes, smile.
15. RED OR PINK? I like pink, I do.
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I snore. It annoys me.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE YOU KNOW TO DO THIS MEME? Sure, what the hell.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Black and blacker.
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Veggie shepherd's pie.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The sound of a fireworks display at a nearby park.
22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Black.
23. FAVORITE SMELLS? SO's neck, freshly shampoo'd Wonder Pup, line-dried laundry and clean sheets, magic marker, baking brownies.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE? SO, this afternoon.
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO MADE YOU DO THIS STUPID MEME? Aw. Yeah.
26. WHICH SPORT DO YOU ENJOY WATCHING MOST? Cricket. I haven't a clue how it's scored though.
27. HAIR COLOR? Reddish-brown.
28. EYE COLOR? Hazel.
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACT LENSES? Daily.
30. FAVORITE FOOD? Baguette dipped in hot Camembert cheese, salad with rocket and mustard vinaigrette,
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Neither.
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Blade Runner.
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Black.
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Both.
35. HUGS OR KISSES? Either, especially when caught off guard.
36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Queen of Puddings or Sticky Toffee Pudding
39. WHAT BOOK(S) ARE YOU READING NOW? Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
40. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Don't do mouse. Don't do pad.
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? No TV last night. Watched movie (No. 32) instead.
42. FAVORITE SOUND? Tide coming in on Brighton Beach. The sound of water moving all those stones back and forth is fantastic!!
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Stones, definitely.
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Whilst living in Boston I travelled to Munich, Germany and Florence, Italy. Whilst living in London I travelled to Krakow, Poland. Whilst growing up in New Mexico I travelled to Calgary, Canada. You do the mileage...
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I pretty much know when to stop...
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Ooooo-klahomawherethewindcomessweepindowntheplain...
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? A very precocious little girl featured in LIFE magazine the month before my birth.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? During the last scene of BBC's 'The Choir', just now. I love hearing kids singing.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? It's okay but it's rather inconsistent.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Tuna.
5. HAVE YOU ANY CHILDREN? Yes, non-biological but I gladly claim them.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Yes, but I would bitch about me behind my back. I know I would.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Not a lot. I prefer irony.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Yes, feet first from a height of two stories where there is a huge pile of sand below me. I've got it all planned out!
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Grape Nuts or oatmeal.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Yes.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Pistachio.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Eyes, smile.
15. RED OR PINK? I like pink, I do.
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I snore. It annoys me.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE YOU KNOW TO DO THIS MEME? Sure, what the hell.
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Black and blacker.
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Veggie shepherd's pie.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The sound of a fireworks display at a nearby park.
22. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Black.
23. FAVORITE SMELLS? SO's neck, freshly shampoo'd Wonder Pup, line-dried laundry and clean sheets, magic marker, baking brownies.
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE? SO, this afternoon.
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO MADE YOU DO THIS STUPID MEME? Aw. Yeah.
26. WHICH SPORT DO YOU ENJOY WATCHING MOST? Cricket. I haven't a clue how it's scored though.
27. HAIR COLOR? Reddish-brown.
28. EYE COLOR? Hazel.
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACT LENSES? Daily.
30. FAVORITE FOOD? Baguette dipped in hot Camembert cheese, salad with rocket and mustard vinaigrette,
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Neither.
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Blade Runner.
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Black.
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Both.
35. HUGS OR KISSES? Either, especially when caught off guard.
36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Queen of Puddings or Sticky Toffee Pudding
39. WHAT BOOK(S) ARE YOU READING NOW? Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
40. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Don't do mouse. Don't do pad.
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? No TV last night. Watched movie (No. 32) instead.
42. FAVORITE SOUND? Tide coming in on Brighton Beach. The sound of water moving all those stones back and forth is fantastic!!
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Stones, definitely.
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Whilst living in Boston I travelled to Munich, Germany and Florence, Italy. Whilst living in London I travelled to Krakow, Poland. Whilst growing up in New Mexico I travelled to Calgary, Canada. You do the mileage...
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I pretty much know when to stop...
Wednesday 30 January 2008
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